Best Served Clean
by TwiAddictAnne
Summary: Cleanliness is next to Godliness. It was time Edward Cullen put that knowledge to use. Rated for language and themes.


**Disclaimer:No copyright infringement intended. I do not own Twilight or any of its original characters. This story, however, is all mine.**

**A/N: Hi, so it's been ages since I've written anything. I know it sounds like an excuse, but life happened. As a researcher from a little country, I got what I've always dreamed of … a full ride to USA to pursue my PhD. So that's where I am writing to you from. Because of this, the writer in me had to take an unintentionally long break. However, I have always been looking for a way to get back to my writing and to you … my readers.**

**Recently, a group of exceptionally talented authors put together a contest titled APictureIsWorthAThousandWords - Valentine Edition. While talking to one of my best friends and fellow Twi-addict, I realized that the concept and the limited word count was perfect for me. So I picked the picture and wrote a story, and surprisingly, it won the Pecan Cluster Award (for the craziest, nuttiest fic). With it being a pressure-filled holiday, I figured we all could use a little humor to decompress. So here it is, my first entry for the contest.**

**A huge thanks to my fellow twi-addict and my very personal cheerleader, FangirlinGranmaDee for motivating me to enter the contest and taking the time to beta read this fic for me.**

* * *

"Of course, Tanya. I'll be there to pick you up in fifteen minutes," I reassure her as I arrange my hair in my usual carefully careless manner.

I listen on the other end of the phone as she tells me to bring her puce colored roses to match her dress for our date tonight. For once, I don't grouch about it; instead, I just agree with her demand. I remind her that I'll be paying so she doesn't need to bring her purse. After all, it's Valentine's day and tonight is all about her.

* * *

As we pull up outside Lily of the Valley, the most up-scale restaurant in town, Tanya looks impressed. "Not bad; definitely an upgrade from the hole-in-the-wall place your friends run. I'm surprised you are ditching your clingy friends for a change."

"We have done plenty of things without them," I answer mildly.

"You know what I mean. They're …," she says before catching the set of my jaw and amending herself. "It's the day of love. We should celebrate it just by ourselves." She wraps a hand around my arm and tries to nuzzle close.

I slowly extract myself from her grip and smile at her. "Oh we will celebrate love tonight alright," I promise and get out of the car before she can badmouth my friends anymore.

As the valet opens her door, I watch Tanya blatantly flirt with him. To her, it's second nature; to me, witnessing it is a necessary evil for dating her.

Once we're seated, I order a bottle of Bordeaux and receive an appreciative smile from Tanya. "Are you sure you can afford it?" she asks me—putting me down as always—just as the server takes a break from ogling her silicon implants and goes away to bring our food.

I don't let it faze me. I simply nod. "It's all on me, sweetheart. You just order what your heart desires."

Her smile widens, and I even get a kiss on my cheek as she walks off to the restroom to powder her nose.

The thing about Tanya is, she is not your typical bimbo. No, she's very clever, albeit extremely superficial. She is the living embodiment of picturesque beauty. We met in college and have been together ever since … and last week, I found out that she has been cheating on me.

That's why tonight has to be perfect. Tonight is going to be my masterpiece—masterpiece of revenge.

* * *

Throughout dinner, I am careful not to give away the fact that I had seen her with her secretary with her legs up in the air when I had gone to pick her up for dinner last week. Instead, I observe. I observe how she leans in to showcase her cleavage every time our server comes over. I see how she eye-fucks the guy sitting in the next table while sucking on her lobster. I hear her complain how I am always surrounded by my friends and how I should not be friends with someone as immature as Emmett, my best friend since high school. I observe her and realize that what I am about to do is her just dessert.

Once all the food is cleared off the table and is replaced with what Tanya calls a _Gateau au Chocolat_, or a basic chocolate cake to be exact, I reach across the table and take her hand in mine. She lets out a quiet huff of exasperation but pastes a fake smile on her face.

"Tanya," I start. "Can you excuse me for a moment? I just need to check on something."

Her eyes widen infinitesimally but then, her fake smile morphs into a real one, most likely thinking that I am going to propose … like the sensible next step in any relationship. She nods excitedly and blows me a kiss. "Hurry back," she says, batting her eyelashes at me. _As if I'm gonna fall for that again!_

I make a show of walking up to the hostess, looking all secretive. I glance at her nametag and flash her a smile. "Lauren ... may I call you Lauren?"

She reciprocates my smile and nods eagerly.

"May I see the check for our table?" I ask politely.

She peruses the tablet in her hand and taps her finger over a number. "Certainly. You're at table 13. So your bill for tonight is $322.57."

I pretend to let out a sigh of relief. "That's not too bad then."

She lifts an inquiring eyebrow, and I smile, trying to look embarrassed. "You see my girlfriend got a boob job last week and to thank me for paying for the surgery, she wants to pick up tonight's tab. So I was just making sure it's not too much for her."

Lauren looks at Tanya and then turns back to me. "So you're all set?"

"You bet," I answer with a grin. "Can you give her the check while I get her favorite puce colored rose from my car? Thanks."

* * *

I dial Tanya's number after I have put some distance between us.

"Eddie, where did you go?" she asks as soon as she picks up. "They handed me the check and I said you will pay when you come back. When are you getting back?"

I pretend to think for a moment before answering. "Hmm … I don't know how else to say it, Tanya, but...never."

"What?"

"You see you gave me quite a surprise when I saw you fucking Riley last week. So this time, it's my turn to surprise you with a vanishing act. So … surprise!"

I hang up as soon as she begins to screech in protest.

* * *

Later that night, I get a text from Emmett saying he saw Tanya washing dishes at the restaurant. I guess they made her do the dishes to pay for our meal. Drifting off to sleep, I can't help but sigh in contentment.

After all, revenge is a dish best served clean.

* * *

**A/N: Please leave a review and let me know your thoughts?**

**Also, go and check out the other entries in the contest if you haven't already.**

**My second entry for the contest will be up tomorrow along with an announcement.**

**The picture prompt is available on the contest's facebook group, but I am also making it the cover for the story so you can see it even if you're not on the group.**

**Thanks for reading.**

**Until next time.**

**Love,**

**Ann**


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